Going out.

I met my date early tonight. I had a really good time with him. Every time I have seen this guy, I have a good time with him. He puts a smile on my face. He didn’t have a lot of time to spend with me tonight because of family issues but the hour and change we did spend together was really good. I am looking forward to the next time I get to see him.

 

Now I have a bunch of free time. I am going to go to the First Friday deal if there is any parking left and just enjoy and lean to be on my own without a partner. It is going to be a good learning experience.

 

I do have a possible plan with Adrian later tonight if it is not too late when he is done visiting with his nephew and his wife. It’s nothing special, just meet up at a Starbucks for some drinks and conversation. Still, it will be nice if it works out. If not, no big deal. The best part of my evening already happened.

 

Here I go, Hopefully this will be an enjoyable experience.

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Tasting him

WARNING: LGBTQ, EXPLICIT, SEXUAL CONTENT.

 

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When I first met this man, I could hardly believe how wildly attractive I found him to be, he simply drove me to the edge.  The first time I smelled him, and every time since then, I was and am pulled irresistibly into his arms. The feeling of his skin against mine is erotically supercharged and I feel like I have no self-control, I just have to have him. His plump limp pressed against mine drive me crazy with desire for the taste of his mouth. Kissing his neck, licking his nipples and running my hand across his chest and abdomen are a joy. The excitement in my finger tips can scares be helped, I can feel the heat radiating from his pants. I am thirsty, deeply thirsty in a way I have never been before. I can feel him harden as my touch draws nigh to him. Like unwrapping a sweet Christmas Day gift, I pull his beautiful manhood out. Plunging him into my mouth as I play with his balls, I am filled with lust, desire and more…I have to have every inch of him. I need to make him cum. Licking, stroking and sucking, I can feel him throbbing in my moth. I want his cum again, I want him to shoot in my mouth and watch as I take every last drop. I will give him mine, as before, so again.  It is so true, I want him. I watch his ass as he sits on me, the perfection of ebony and cumming inside him drives me wild. In 69’s embrace, he pushes his essence into my mouth, a joy to take, a joy to behold. 

The Process of Removing Her

 

Removing her is what I have to do. After 19 years of being a couple with her, I have so much shit to dump and burn. Not all of it literally, some of it emotionally, some mentally and some physically.

I have removed my wedding ring.

I have stopped calling her by old nicknames.

I have asked her to stop calling me “sweetheart” or “babe” because her new girlfriend is a more appropriate target of that lie.

I told her I am free to date.

I asked her to stop using my surname in all aspects of life.

I have taken down our wedding pictures from around the house and put them away until I know what to do with them.

I realized that I tattooed her name on my back shoulder 19 years ago, I am going to get it removed.

In time, as per our agreement, we will file for an official divorce.

Move out and find my new home.

Hold a privet ritual for the murder of our marriage at her hands.

Move forward with my future without her.

I understand she is gay. My mind understands it perfectly well. I also know that she made a choice to betray me with another woman. She could have said she was gay years ago and saved me 19 years. She could have realized she was gay now and in the absence of cheating on me, asked for me to let her go. No one ever told me not to chase other people or to be faithful. I just did it. She violated my most basic trust. She made a choice to violate my trust and her vows.  She is FORSWORN. She is Judas the faithless. Untrustworthy and dishonorable. Is that my anger talking? Yes, I am angry. Is it fair? I don’t know right now. That is my honest answer. I just know that in order to move forward over time, I have to remove her. It will not be all at once. It is a process of removal, one that allows her and me to part on the best possible terms. I know that is the best possible outcomes. For her and I to go our separate ways still friends to the greatest extent possible. We both have a lot to figure out. I am working on it. I want to help her figure it out as well by assisting her in getting a therapist. That is the best I can do in the here and now. I will see what tomorrow and the days, weeks and months bring. I am hoping for less anger and emotionally charged reactions. I want to be an adult about this situation, to be as understanding as I can be and let her go as gracefully as I humanly can. I am trying to do that everyday. Sometimes I am better at it than other times. I will just keep trying to do better everyday.

moonnewaquariusboy

My First Time…JFC…WOW!

FAIR  WARNING: The content of this post is sexual in nature and very graphic. If you are offended by LGBTQA sexuality or graphic content, stop reading right here and back out. Read at your own risk.

 

 

 

I am bisexual but I married when I was 20 years old and haven’t had sex with another woman or  man in all that time. Today was my first time with a guy and I didn’t know it was going to be like that!  Just to be clear, my marriage came to an end because of choices she made. Today I got  a chance to explore something I have always wanted to try.  Also, I have his permission to post about this experience, shit, I wish I could yelp review his ass…it was that good.

When my friend leaned that my marriage was over, he told me that he was attracted to me and that he had always thought I was attracted to him. He wasn’t wrong. He offered to be my first, “someone who you can be safe with, willing to explore and try anything you like”.  We talked about it, he isn’t my boyfriend and we are not dating. He has a boyfriend that he is getting back with come this weekend. This was a kind of class, an introduction to what I wanted and will need to know. A kind of Gay sex 101.  Not bragging much but I got an A+.

 

He picked me up at 7:30 outside my apartment gates. He met me with a killer smile and the smell of cedar wood as I got into his car. He said good morning and put his hand on my shoulder, it sent chills through me. I couldn’t help but flash my best smile and say good morning back. He told me that he had strawberry daiquiris waiting for us at his place and asked me what kind of music I like. I couldn’t believe how thoughtful he was already, but in truth, he is always thoughtful so I should not have been surprised.  He walked me up to his place with his arm around my shoulder, it was a good feeling to know he wanted me. We got into his place and he gave me the tour of the place, handed me a drink and turned on the music I told him I liked.  This guy is smooth, that thought just kept running though my mind as I listed to him tell me how he created and decorated most of the stuff in his place.  We talked, talked about small things, some big things and some important things; he showed me his most recent ( 14 days ago) clean test results…I felt better and safe.  His voice was smoldering and his eyes looked at me as if he was desperately hungry.  Seeing him look at me like that made my initial nervousness disappear altogether.

He sat on the floor in front of me looking up and I was sitting on the edge of the first of his two back to back couches “You are so fucking handsome”. With that simple statement coming from him, my desire was lit and raging hard. I came down off the couch and kissed him hard. He matched my kiss, like a fucking lighting storm going off. His mouth was sweet like fruit and his lips softer than I could have ever guessed. He knew exactly what to do, his use of tongue  and teeth in just the right amounts, in just the right ways and I could hardly catch my breath. He pulled away and kissed my neck before returning to my hungry mouth.  I don’t know how but I found myself on the couch with him, pulling his shirt off. His powerful body pressed against mine, his muscles flexing and his hands all over my chest. I explored his chest, kissed his mouth, neck, licking his nipples while he made breathless noises. Before I realized it we were on the floor, knocked over some chairs and laughed. My flannel was gone and my under-shirt was clear across the room. I vaguely remember wondering how it got over there. He pulled me into him, our bodies pressed against one another. I was so hard it was nearly painful….he was definitely hard. I fumbled with his belt for a second before I managed to unbuckle it, My own pants were already being pulled off. His red Hanes underwear were bulging with his fully erect dick and heavy balls. The music was still bumping and one of my favorite songs came on, it simply added fuel to the already raging fire of my desires. When the last bit of cloth came off our bodies, I pressed his cock against mine and rubbing them together. From this, we shot our first loads of the morning.

 

About 15 minutes later and another drink, he kissed me again and to my surprise I was hard again, so was he. Naked again, we did some more rubbing, kissing and exploring. I picked him up and carried him into his perfectly made bed and tossed him on it. I crawled up between his legs and began to play with is cock and balls. Then I did the thing I have been wanting to do for more years than I can remember anymore. I looked up at him and I put his cock in my mouth. My body felt like it was on fire. I used my tongue to lick, flick and circle every last inch of his beautiful cock. I played with his balls and sucked on them too. I stroked and even managed to get down to the base of his shaft which was not easy  for as large as he is…but it was worth the doing. He sat up and kissed my head, said “give me your cock” and before I knew it, I was on the bottom end of a glorious  69. I can’t explain in words that will do it justice how much I loved sucking his dick or that 69. As we got close, we pulled away from the 69 and shot our loads on each other’s chests. JFC, it was amazing to feel that hot load hit me.

He led me to his shower and we got in. He actually washed my body and I enjoyed returning the favor. It was so erotic. After the shower, I had a coke and found out that he drinks his the way I do mine, with lemon. He turned the music up and he danced with me. It was fucking amazing, that dance with him took my breath away and lit my desire again. I couldn’t believe it but I was hard again and I could feel his hard cock pressed against mine. I just laughed and he smiled at me and said “Go again?”  I said “yes please!” I didn’t care if I sounded desperate or just excited because both were true.

 

He led me back to his bed, pushed me down on it and crawled upon to my chest and slid his cock into my moth. He began to fuck my mouth and I wanted it so badly. The feel of his throbbing dick, the feel of his balls as I played with them… I could feel my own dripping with precum. When he pulled away, thus robbing me of his cock, he asked me to fuck his ass. I damn near passed the fuck out. I sat on the edge of his bed, slid my condom on, he applied the lube and sat on my cock, facing me as he slid down onto me. The look of joy on his face made my fingers and toes tingle with a kind of raw passion that is hard to describe. As he began to move up and down on my cock, he looked me in the eyes and said “You have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen.” I kissed him hard and held his hand for a few moments before I turned him over and laid him flat on his back. Fucking him while he held me and squeezed my ass cheeks was like what I imagine being high must feel like. Every part of me felt like it was being filled with a pulsing electricity.  I got lost in the kissing, the squeezing, stroking his shaft and looking into his eyes. It took a long time and I enjoyed every single moment of being inside his body, but just after I watched him cum again, I blew my load.

I rolled off the top of him and he looked over with that smile and thanked me for “pounding me like a champ.”  I laughed and just told him “dude you are so fucking smooth.” He kissed me again. We got cleaned up and went back into his living room. I helped him pick up the chairs, the coffee table and a few other items that had some how gotten knocked over. I sat back down and he haded me my third daiquiri of the day.  For about the next 40min we chatted, laughed and had fun. He asked if I wanted to go home and I said I would if he needed to get ready for work. He said “Not yet” and kissed me again. He stood me up and pulled down my pants and gave me a blowjob that I will never, ever forget. He was fantastic with that mouth of his and in about 15 minutes or so, I gave him my last load. I watched him swallow it all. He got every last drop and the look of satisfaction on his face made me feel happy.

We did some more talking, I really enjoyed that but it was definitely interrupted by random kissing and touching. We talked some more and regretfully, to him and I, he had to start getting ready for work. He fed his little dogs, and walked me to his car. He drove me home, both of us smiling still. When we got to my apartments, he parked near the rental office and we spent a few minutes making out.  He thanked me for spending the day with him and letting him be my first. I thanked him for making my first time with a man such an amazing experience with someone who made me feel like I was the most important person on the face of the planet. He told me that if him and the boyfriend didn’t last and I wanted, he would date me. I enthusiastically agreed to that idea.  Saying goodbye to him and that experience was difficult but it was truly a “good goodbye.”

The end of my marriage is still so fresh and I am hurting like I have never hurt before but today for the majority of my day, I have felt nothing but great. He gave me such a precious gift, from 7:30-1315 hours today, he took away my pain. He replaced it with making my wildest dreams come true and made me feel good in a way I haven’t felt in a while.  How this 20 year old guy managed to find me sexy and do what he did for me is beyond my current ability to understand but if I did believe in a god, I would thank him, her or them with all my might. As a bonus, we snapped this picture to commemorate our first time together and my first time with a man.

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Trying it again.

 

Last night I wrote a post entitled “betrayal”. It came from a place of anger and pain. It was written without grace or understanding. I regret allowing my personal anger to make me stoop to being petty and small. So, I am going to try it again, this time, I hope, with grace and thoughtfulness.

 

My wife  is actively having an extra marital affair with a woman at her work. She has been having this affair for several months now. I had hoped she would have the experience and work it out of her system. I attempted, perhaps foolishly, to be gracious, understanding, and supportive of her struggles with her sexuality. At some point I realized that she might be lesbian instead of a bisexual woman. Some part of me held out hope that this one experience might be enough. As this happened, I also began to undergo a personal struggle. One that shattered my world and all that I knew. I am still rebuilding myself.  Through many conversations with my wife about her affair, we came to understand that our marriage of 19 years is broken and over. I asked and she told me in excruciating details how besotted she is with Stephanie. It shredded me from the inside out but I asked for it because I needed to know without a doubt where I stood. I know without a doubt that my years of investment and support were wasted on a woman who could not possibly love me the way she says she did.

 

I am not blameless. In the early years I was the worst husband. No, I never had an extramarital affair but I was a shitty husband all the same. I worked hard to be better. I believe I did become a good husband . I supported her though all of her mental health challenges, in good times and bad times, with and without money, in all the ways that two married people are supposed to support each other. I can honestly say that I did my best.

 

When my darkest time came, she couldn’t stand by me the way I stood by her. She abandoned me for another woman. She made a choice to treat me and our marriage like refuse and throw us away. She says she did not throw us away but in my heart, I know she did. I trusted her, gave her all that I had and opened my heart to her in a way that I had never done with another human being. She made me sorry that I laid my trust in her. Her faithlessness has only proven what Alfred and Karen taught me during my childhood. When you love or trust another person, they will use it against you to shatter you heart and soul. My wife has hurt me far worse than Alfred and Karen ever did. She has become the very personification of betrayal for me.

 

We have made plans. Plans not to divorce right away, in part because of money, life choices that are in progress and other related factors. I am trying very hard to manage these plans. The truth is that I am just guessing how to live in the same home with my best friend and worst enemy. I am torn between wanting to hold her and destroy her. I just do not know what I am doing, all while trying to forge ahead anyway.

 

I am slowly telling a few people that I know, people who can support me because my life partner is no longer a person I can turn to or trust in the slightest. I do not have a script for what the correct thing to do is but I am trying, even now, to be fair to myself and her. She doesn’t want her mother or family to know that she has betrayed me. I agreed to it. However, as it all sinks into my brain, I find that I want her to change her name back to her maiden name, I have taken to calling her by her first name, I am separating myself from her, building up my armor  against her. I see on my social media that I am “married” to my enemy and I am repulsed by the sight of it. I want to change it to say “separated” or “single” or something else that reflects reality. If I do, her mother will see it. I can hardly believe I agreed to this insanity.  I don’t know how I am going to make this work but I have to make this work for my own sake as well as her sake.

 

We have agreed that we are no longer really married. I have, as has she, removed our wedding rings. She is going to keep having her new relationship with an engaged, transgender individual. I have decided to explore other parts of my desire. I am no longer bound to her because she has destroyed our wedding vows. She burned our marriage down all around us and nothing is left but ash. I decided to take Saturday and Sunday to feel it as much as I can. Monday, I have already Set up times to hangout with two guys I know and a pending third guy I just recently met. I need to be free of her, to be free of my end of this marriage, to show her that I am not laid low forever by her faithlessness. She struck me a blow that knocked me down but I am not staying down, I am not ended by her and I will rise like the Phoenix from the ashes. I will not only survive the end of this 19 year marriage, I will surpass and exceed anything she thought I could not do. I will build my fortress, create for myself a new life and thrive regardless of her betrayal. I know it will not be easy but nothing has ever been easy for me. I have never known true love, I have never had anyone that loved me in truth. I have only ever had people pretend to love me, to use me for what they could get out of me and then toss me away.  I will no longer accept the falsity of lying lips and feigned love. I am better and deserve better.

 

So, my wife is a lesbian woman having an affair with a transgender dyke. That is a statement of fact. I am the betrayed husband who is hurting and filled with range.  That is a statement of fact. I am relentless and I am going to conquer this betrayal by rebuilding my life into something amazing. That to is a statement of fact.

 

I hope in time I can forgive my wife for her faithlessness. I hope I can learn to be a better man and human being from this experience. I do not know that I can ever trust her again, not the way I used to trust her. I honestly believe that trusting her was the biggest mistake of my entire lifetime. However, I hope that I can find a way to create a new kind of relationship with her, one that allows me to be part of her life but not in anyway bound to her in a manner that could allow for her to harm me again.

 

It is not her fault that she is lesbian. That is a fact of nature. She is not broken. Yes, she deserves to be happy. Yes, I want her to be happy.  It is her fault that she decided to be faithless to her vows to me. I kept my vows for nearly 19 years. Now they are all null and void. Now I am going to start living for me because living for her only brought me ruin and pain. I will conquer all of this and rise stronger than I have ever been before.

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Bad parents & Adult-Children.

Many people have good parents. Parents that care deeply about the health and welfare of their progeny. These parents do their best to care for and raise a health human being who will one day become a functional adult who will attempt to contribute something of value to the world and people around them. This is the experience that I imagine most people have had of their parents. This experience, I suppose, is the normative experience for most people under most circumstances.
Perhaps, our evolutionary programming codes for this eventuality. Parents and children are bonded one to another and the human family continues to exist in the long term because enough people enter parenthood, bond with their children and ensure the process continues forward into the future.

However, the parent-child bonding is not in fact a given or fated eventuality. Many people come from families that are not healthily bonded or functional. Some parents are neglectful, negligent, harsh, and abusive in some other fashion. These parents do not in any real way care about their progeny’s health and welfare. They do simply and only what they need to do to maintain their freedom. Even then, these parents are not sorry for the ill treatment they hand out to their children and may even blame the maltreatment and abuse on the child themselves. These parents may play the victim of “ungrateful” children. They will tell other people what “good parents” they were and they may then list the “good” they did for the child. They may offer names of people who did not know them as evidence of the “wonderful” parent they were to these mean and evil children.

It’s hard to understand what that kind of parent is like unless of course you have lived with one or if you are very unlucky, two. It is hard for other people to believe that these two “good” people could have treated the children as terribly as the children assert. It’s an understandable response to such claims. After all, the claims of abuse very likely go against the family experience of the person hearing about how badly the person was treated during their childhood. Even if they do believe that the person is genuine In their feelings of abuse, perhaps the person is “overly sensitive” or the parent was a bit harsher than they might have needed to be. After all parents are just people too and they have bad days as well. The invalidation that the claimant is making is not meant but is the result of the listener attempting to rationalize the information they are hearing into something sensible, understandable and manageable.

Not all parents are the stuff of Hallmark cards. Not all parents are reasonable, sensible or loving. Some parents are cruel, hateful, vengeful, immature and petty to the core of their bones. Some parents use their children as props, a means to gain attention, a tool to achieve some aim, a means to fulfill ideas and dreams they were incapable of achieving for themselves. Some parents are just plain bad parents and bad people. These people are not the face of kindness that they show to the world. They wear masks to hide their ugly selves, to cover up the toxicity they are filled with.

The adult-Children of such people do not need to live with the twisted pathological parents that spent so long tormenting them. The adult-child or children of such people have every right to walk away from such parents. In the long run, it is better for the health of the adult-child. Better walk away and let go of the ideal that one hoped for than to be forever ensnared in a ceaseless cycle of pathological relationships.

Follow up to “Patriots?”

Yesterday I made a post that some took personally and seemed to be offended. The purpose of that post was not to attack anyone in particular but to describe a particular problem that I believe is alive and well inside the American electorate as a whole, regardless of party.

In the original post I talked about people who call themselves patriotic and “real Americans”, who utilize symbols associated with America and it’s history to bolster their claims but are empty of knowledge and depth. I focused, perhaps too heavily, on clothing as it is a common item with symbols of America printed on them. My post was not really about wearing the gaudy clothing that I mentioned but about using such symbols when being empty of all substance related to the functional operations of this governmental system, regardless of political party. Again, I may not have done the best job in making that clear in my initial post.

However, in subsequent comments, I feel that I made clear that our nation is in trouble because the American electorate by and large is not doing enough to educate themselves on the foundational information that is required to keep our nation healthy and functional for all people, now and in the future.

My initial post about my concerns about the way the American electorate has conducted itself by virtue of its obvious ignorance of our foundational documents, as written by the creators of our nation, is justified. When the American electorate is bereft or willfully embracing ignorance, the very life blood of this nation is put at risk. Our freedoms are put at risks. Our way of life is put at risk. It enables ineptness to find success and tyranny to enjoy power. The American nation is at risk of falling into despotic rule. I am not alone in these concerns. The Founding Fathers wrote and spoke on this very topic. No less than our first president said:

“A primary object should be the education of our youth in the science of government. In a Republic, what species of knowledge can be equally important? And what duty more pressing…than communicating it to those who are to be the future guardians of the liberties of the country?” – President George Washington

He was not alone! The Other Founding Fathers had this to say:

“In questions of power, then, let no more be heeded of confidence in man, but bind him down from mischief by the chains of the Constitution.” – Thomas Jefferson

“I am committed to the Constitution of the country…and I am committed against every thing, which, in my judgment, may weaken, endanger, or destroy it…; and especially against all extensions of Executive power; and I am committed against any attempt to rule the free people of this country by the power and the patronage of the government itself…”
– Daniel Webster

“We in America do not have government by the majority-we have a government by the majority who participate…All tyranny needs to gain a foothold is for people of good conscience to remain silent.” – Thomas Jefferson

“A well-educated people alone can be a permanently free people.” – James Madison

The few selected quotes here are but that, a very few. I am not mistaken, I am not wrong and I am not being, insofar as possible, judgmental. I am saying what our Founding Fathers wisely warned at the beginning of this nation’s history. That is if you lack the knowledge, wisdom and understanding of how this system works, you will lose your bequeathed freedoms!

So, yes, you can paint your face RED, WHITE & BLUE, Wear a dress or suit made of the American flag itself, vote in ignorance, neglect to vote, choose ignorance of how our government is designed to work. In short, when you go about effecting an ‘Americana Braggadocio’ you may impress some witless fool into respecting you. In the end, you will still lose the very nation you falsely claim to value.

The Founding Fathers have made it clear that the only way to ensure that we as a nation keep our freedom is to be an educated, involved and deeply invested electorate regardless of party as we hold all elected officials of all parties to the fire and trials of the U.S. Constitution, Amendments, Bill of Rights and other foundational documents.

If that offends you, too bad. If you feel attacked, too bad. If you don’t like it because you need a safe space, too bad. I don’t really care.

Patriots?

Many people talk about being “proud Americans”, “Patriots”, and a verity of other terms that are meant to convey the same ideas. These same people wear gaudy and obnoxiously flashing American flag shirts, hats, pantsuits, ties, pins, glasses, underwear, shoes, tattoos and other related items. The same people are crooning about American military power, American freedoms and history when it is patently evident that they know little to nothing about any of these topics. These “proud American patriots” are an embarrassment to the nation and to the intentions of the Founding Fathers.

Let me explain. The people who do these things are bereft of the historical knowledge about the issues and political realities that were facing European kingdoms and nations that led to the explosion in exploration and colonization of non-European lands. They lack the historical knowledge that led to the settling of what is today known as the Americas. They lack the foundational knowledge of the events that led the American colonies to separate themselves politically from their Sovereign King George the III. They have not read the long and massive number of documents that were produced by the Founding Fathers and could not name but the tiniest fraction of these men and their supporters. These “proud freedom loving patriotic Americans” have not, by and large, served in the Military, and have not sacrificed what members of the military have and fewer still have lost chucks of their body or life to the service of the United States. Many of these people do not regularly vote and when they do, they do so without having read or understood what they are actually voting for because they are voting based on political sound bites.

These people are not simply ignorant. They are dangerously inept. They twist the clearest meaning of the well expressed words of the Founding Fathers into actions that would be sickening and alien to the men who built this nation with their blood, sweat, tears and lives.

True American patriots read the Founding Fathers’ words as written in the massive collection of documents these people left behind for us to possess. They find at least one way to serve the nation, if not in the military, then in politics, if not in politics, then in some other fashion. They are considerate, thoughtful and read about the subjects they are voting on and do so regularly. They educate themselves on the history that led to the need to found a new nation and caused the colonies to commit treason against their Kings and governments.

Being an American is so much more than posting pictures of yourself in obnoxious “Americana” outfits, draping yourself in flags, and loudly screaming “God bless America.”

Pornography

The following is a post about the use of pornography. Unfortunately the post is not a fully fledged paper. It is however a sketch on the subject meant to elucidate the complexity of the topic and both the benefits and potential harm that could come from the use of pornography by people who are not well grounded or educated on human sexuality. I hope you enjoy the read. Note that this is not an APA written paper.

-Jay Worley.

People within the United States of America are not sufficiently educated on a verity of topics related to human sexuality. The average person has received very little direct formal education on the topic of human sexuality and has been exposed to more misinformation than factually correct knowledge. The United States cultural reality is one that is highly fascinated by human sexuality but holds an inherently puritanical ideology that is so ingrained into the fabric of life in the United States that it is not recognized. As a result of the current state of affairs, many if not most of the adults in the U.S. are ignorant and misinformed about human sexuality and they do little to improve this situation in themselves or their prodigy.
One of the most common areas of simultaneous interest and abhorrence for many people is the use of pornography. Indeed, that fact has caused the State of Arizona to introduce and vote HCR 2009, which would declare pornography a “public health crisis.” The test of HCR2009 reads: “Whereas, pornography is a crisis leading to a broad spectrum of individual and public health impacts; and Whereas, pornography perpetuates a sexually toxic environment that damages all areas of our society; and
Whereas, potential detrimental effects on pornography users include toxic sexual behaviors, emotional, mental and medical illnesses and difficulty forming or maintaining intimate relationships; and Whereas, recent research indicates that pornography is potentially biologically addictive and requires increasingly shocking material for the addiction to be satisfied. This has led to increasing themes of risky sexual behaviors, extreme degradation, violence and child pornography; and Whereas, pornography is directly harming our nation’s youth by contributing to the hyper-sexualization of teens and even children; and Whereas, due to the advances in technology and the universal availability of the internet, children are being exposed to pornography at an alarming rate, leading to low self-esteem, eating disorders and an increase in problematic sexual activity at ever-younger ages; and Whereas, exposure to pornography often serves as sex education for children and shapes their sexual templates, teaching them that women are commodities for the viewer’s use; and Whereas, pornography normalizes violence and the abuse of women and children by treating them as objects, increasing the demand for sex trafficking, prostitution and child pornography; and Whereas, the use of pornography has an adverse effect on the family as it is correlated with decreased desire in young men to marry, dissatisfaction in marriage and infidelity; and Whereas, the societal damage of pornography is beyond the capability of the individual to address alone; and Whereas, to counteract these detrimental effects, this state and the nation must systemically prevent exposure and addiction to pornography, educate individuals and families about its harms and develop pornography recovery programs. Therefore, Be it resolved by the House of Representatives of the State of Arizona, the Senate concurring:
That the Members of the Legislature denounce pornography as a public health crisis” (https://www.azleg.gov/legtext/54leg/1R/bills/HCR2009P.htm). The claims made in the HCR2009 are not uncommon claims. Indeed, many people from government, school teachers, preachers and parents made similar claims about the use of pornography. These claims are often made without so much as a single citation of the available research on the topic of pornography. When claims of this magnitude are leveled against any human activities, it is appropriate to investigate the claims and ascertain the validity of such claims.

Is the use of pornography dangerous, leading to a wide range of negative outcomes for all the people who use or might make use of sexually explicit media? The answer is more complicated than a simple yes or no dichotomy that is typically given. Therefore it is important to understand at least a little of the complexity that surrounds the use of pornography as it interacts with and impacts human sexuality.

It behooves us all to recognize that anything used in excess will create a negative impact on the user. How excessive is defined and or is dependent on the item being used. Eating until one vomits is excessive. Drinking until one blacks out or is unable to control themselves is excessive. Gambling away your bill money and the ability to buy food is excessive. Using pornography to the exclusion of your sexual partner, at work, most days during most hours of the day is excessive. Excess is very often harmful to the individual and the individuals around them. The following is not making specific reference to the excessive use of sexually explicit media but to the use of pornographic materials in moderation.

Some studies form the early 1990’s showed a correlation between the use of pornographic materials and a rise of sexually violent behaviors such as rape (Wongsurawat, 2006). However, when instrumental variables analysis was completed these correlations were reduced and in some areas such as divorce, disappeared altogether (Wongsurawat, 2006). Some studies have shown that male dominance behaviors such as hair pulling, slapping and the use of degrading women through the use of shaming language were increased when men used pornography and consumed alcohol (Wright, Sun, Steffen & Tokunaga, 2015). The use of sexually degrading (aka: Male dominance behaviors) acts during sexual encounters would seem to negatively impact intimacy between sexual partners, S&M inclined individuals notwithstanding. Many people, most notably males, are exposed to pornographic materials when they are in adolescence ( Peter & Valkenburg, 2016). There have been claims that adolescents who are exposed to pornographic materials will be negatively impacted and their future relationship intimacy will be reduced in addition to increasing male dominance behaviors. The claim that adolescent exposure to sexually explicit material will negatively impact relationship intimacy has not been supported by the research (Štulhofer, Buško & Schmidt, 2012). Even when such claims are given some support in the research, the methodological shortcomings have left the generalizability limited at best (Peter & Valkenburg, 2016). The results are not as clear cut as either pro or anti-pornography advocates would like them to be at this point in history, indicating that more research with rigorously applied methodology needs to be conducted. The effects of pornographic materials by adults has also been denounced by conservatives within most societies. Many people claim that pornography is inherently bad for women as it leads to the devaluation of all women. The claims that pornography devalues women is contradicted by the research, showing that in a tolerant and open society, both pornography and gender equality flourish in parallel (Wang, & Chou, 2017). People, especially men that use pornography are more likely to hold egalitarian views of women and are more likely to be comfortable with women in positions of power (Kohut, Bare & Watts, 2016; Ortiz, White, & Rasmussen, 2016).

However, not all pornography involve heterosexuality. Homosexual pornography is widespread and as easily accessible as is heterosexual pornography. “Gay porn” also has a wide viewership, including men and heterosexual women (Neville, 2015). What, if any of the claims made against pornographers apply to homosexual and bisexual individuals?

Homosexual Pornography has not been as widely studied as Heterosexual pornography but this is changing. However, it appear that the initial research has not supported the claim that pornography is harmful as it relates to men that have sex with men (Morrison, Melanie, Morrison, & Bradley, 2007). Yet, as with heterosexual pornographers, the dichotomy of good vs bad is not sufficient to categorize this particular area of pornography (Corneau, Beaulieu-Prévost, Bernatchez & Beauchemin, 2017). Within male homosexual pornography, men with an extraordinarily large penis are often shown to penetrate the anus of men with a common (normal) sized penis (Brennan, 2018). The presentation of men with an extraordinary large penis as the penetrating partner while the man with a commonly sized penis as the penetrated may lead to misrepresentations of normative sex between men. The over representation of men with extraordinary large penises may also create body image problems and skew what men believe is the common size of the human male penis. Especially since this is a common worry among many men (Levitan, Quinn-Nilas, Milhausen & Breuer,2018). However, Educational Pornography (a sub-category of pornographic material meant to educate) can also have benefits for Bisexual, Heterosexual and Homosexual individuals; providing information and enjoyment in one media (Watson & Smith, 2012). Similar to heterosexual pornography, homosexual pornography appears to have both the potential for benefits and harm.

While this post is not all inclusive and is rather short, it leaves one thing evident. The dichotomy of good and bad pornography simply will not play. The truth is that the use of pornography can be beneficial or it can be harmful depending on a verity of factors of the person who is utilizing a given genre of pornography. More research is needed but it must be done in the clear light of the scientific method and not the polarized pro and anti-porn arena that has thus far dominated the debate.

Reference

Joseph Brennan (2018) Size Matters: Penis Size and Sexual Position in Gay Porn Profiles, Journal of Homosexuality, 65:7, 912-933, DOI: 10.1080/00918369.2017.1364568

Simon Corneau, Dominic Beaulieu-Prévost, Kim Bernatchez & Mariève Beauchemin (2017) Gay male pornography: a study of users’ perspectives, Psychology & Sexuality, 8:3, 223-245, DOI: 10.1080/19419899.2017.1360931

Julia Levitan, Chris Quinn-Nilas, Robin Milhausen & Rebecca Breuer (2018) The Relationship Between Body Image and Sexual Functioning Among Gay and Bisexual Men, Journal of Homosexuality, DOI: 10.1080/00918369.2018.1519301

Todd G. Morrison PhD, Melanie A. Morrison PhD & Becky A. Bradley BA (2007) Correlates of Gay Men’s Self-Reported Exposure to Pornography, International Journal of Sexual Health, 19:2, 33-43, DOI: 10.1300/J514v19n02_03

Lucy Neville (2015) Male gays in the female gaze: women who watch m/m pornography, Porn Studies, 2:2-3, 192-207, DOI: 10.1080/23268743.2015.1052937

Rebecca R. Ortiz, Shawna White & Eric Rasmussen (2016) Do Individual Perceptions Matter in Pornography Effects? How Perceived General Acceptance and Influence of Pornography May Impact Agreement With Sex-Role Attitudes, Communication Research Reports, 33:2, 88-95, DOI: 10.1080/08824096.2015.1122583

Jochen Peter & Patti M. Valkenburg (2016) Adolescents and Pornography: A Review of 20 Years of Research, The Journal of Sex Research, 53:4-5, 509-531, DOI: 10.1080/00224499.2016.1143441

Shinn-Shyr Wang, Li-Chen Chou. (2017) The determinants of pornography actress production. Applied Economics Letters 24:20, pages 1486-1489.

Aleksandar Štulhofer, Vesna Buško & Gunter Schmidt (2012) Adolescent exposure to pornography and relationship intimacy in young adulthood, Psychology & Sexuality, 3:2, 95-107, DOI: 10.1080/19419899.2010.537367

Taylor Kohut, Jodie L. Baer & Brendan Watts (2016) Is Pornography Really about “Making Hate to Women”? Pornography Users Hold More Gender Egalitarian Attitudes Than Nonusers in a Representative American Sample, The Journal of Sex Research, 53:1, 1-11, DOI: 10.1080/00224499.2015.1023427

Mary Ann Watson PhD & Randyl D. Smith PhD (2012) Positive Porn: Educational, Medical, and Clinical Uses, American Journal of Sexuality Education, 7:2, 122-145, DOI: 10.1080/15546128.2012.680861

Winai Wongsurawat (2006) Pornography and Social Ills: Evidence from the Early 1990s, Journal of Applied Economics, 9:1, 185-213, DOI: 10.1080/15140326.2006.12040644

Paul J. Wright, Chyng Sun, Nicola J. Steffen & Robert S. Tokunaga (2015) Pornography, Alcohol, and Male Sexual Dominance, Communication Monographs, 82:2, 252-270, DOI: 10.1080/03637751.2014.981558

Global fusion

I am more convinced now than ever before that our world is in need of deep and world wide change. Our Democratic republic and other Democracies around the world are caught in a constant tug-of-war between progress and archaic conservative values. Three steps forward and four steps back, three more steps back and suddenly we take five steps forward. It gives one whiplash and turns the social good on its head. It simply doesn’t work out well.

The necessary changes needed are simple but will take a lot of hard work and planning to accomplish.

The best way forward is to see the European Union completely achieve fusion. One money system, one government and one set of laws for the governance of all. The complete dissolution of individual nation-states. The cities and towns can keep their names and the languages can be taught in all public schools. As it is most European countries speak more than two languages fluently anyway. The resulting power block would be impressive. Since Europe is only vaguely spiritual, the death of religion might take place on its own. If not, a systematic approach to science enrichment programs at every level of education will kill religion in a decade or two.

The African Union (AU), which was founded in July of 2002, would likely forge ahead with unification. It might have more difficulties with the process but it would get done. The AU already has great potential. The stated objectives of the AU are:

1. To achieve greater unity and solidarity between the African countries and Africans.

2. To defend the sovereignty, territorial integrity and independence of its Member States.

3. To accelerate the political and social-economic integration of the continent.

4. To promote and defend African common positions on issues of interest to the continent and its peoples.
To encourage international cooperation, taking due account of the Charter of the United Nations and the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.
To promote peace, security, and stability on the continent.
5. To promote democratic principles and institutions, popular participation and good governance.
To promote and protect human and peoples’ rights in accordance with the African Charter on Human and Peoples’ Rights and other relevant human rights instruments.
6. To establish the necessary conditions which enable the continent to play its rightful role in the global economy and in international negotiations.
To promote sustainable development at the economic, social and cultural levels as well as the integration of African economies.
7. To promote co-operation in all fields of human activity to raise the living standards of African peoples.
8. To coordinate and harmonize the policies between the existing and future Regional Economic Communities for the gradual attainment of the objectives of the Union.
9. To advance the development of the continent by promoting research in all fields, in particular in science and technology.
10. To work with relevant international partners in the eradication of preventable diseases and the promotion of good health on the continent

The rest of the world would have to find a way to match the economic, cultural and military power of a truly unified Europa. An AU would be much better off in these regards than they are today.

The League of Arabia States would likely find enough pragmatic reasons to evolve into the Arabian Union that were irrevocably bound together, providing the Middle East with strong stability. The fate of Israel might be to be absorbed into the fold or to become a lone sheep in the desert.

Only America might be a match in terms of military power. The other two areas would outstrip American versions with no problems.

The possibility of a South American Union being born seems very possible. Other nation-States would have to follow suite or be left alone and defenseless. An Asian Union would all likely be founded. The hold out might be in North American.

Seeing the benefits these Unions would provide might be enough to create an even stronger United Nations with some real teeth in terms of military power, economic power and technological power.

At that point, The USA and Canada might form an official Confederation, Mexico might even join.

Where that to happen, it would be a short road to global unification.

The loss of individual nation-states would be a necessity. In truth, it would be a great benefit to humanity. People like my father, my sister  and others would be initially troubled by these events. Indeed, many religious Americans would believe that they were living in the “END TIMES” and in one real sense they would be. The end of tribalism and fear would be coming to an end. Their religious understanding would of course be wrong. Because of this possibility, America might be the biggest resistor to global governance. In time that would change and the failure of the god myth to produce the desired “rapture of the Church” would bring religion down.

The above outline is one possibility on how to achieve true globalization. Others exist and could also work. The point is that we need a change. Not just in the USA but across the globe. The establishment of a United Earth government with a parliamentary system would push our species out of this tug-of-war rut and into advancements of our future. Not a perfect utopia but a realistic hard won functional global society.

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